The heART of Acceptance
In 2018 I birthed Movement Matters, a dream of mine since I started teaching yoga at 16. There were many twists and turns to how I got there but no path is straight. In 2018 when I opened my business I tripled my clientele in the first 3 months, even though I was told by some- I’d never be a business owner or make it on my own. I didn’t know how to say no and set boundaries, so I kept saying yes. Yes because I was feeding the voice inside that still believed “I wasn’t enough “ and yes because I love and believe in my work, so so much. I was seeing 35 clients a week, on average and still teaching dance and yoga classes. I quickly turned into a machine and just made it happen.
In April 2019 Terri came on board and July 2019 Stefanie. It helped a little , but their schedules got just as filled as mine and the clients kept coming.I got pregnant in 2019 and lost that baby and worked straight through my miscarriage. I actually was working on a movie star in her dressing room when I started to not feel good and think, yep I know what is happening. I just couldn’t stop, I didn’t want to let anyone down, even though I was hurting and didn’t feel good I didn’t want them to feel that way.
March 2020 my due date with my daffodil baby COVID hit and my business was shut down for 3 months. Before I got any financial help from anywhere I lived off and went through my hard earned savings. This shut down was HARD at first, it’s like sprinting on the treadmill at 10MPH and then coming to a screeching stop. Not healthy. I spent many hours healing, unwinding, making new promises to myself and my family, and quickly got used to and appreciated the slow down. In all honesty- I wasn’t ready to go back when we could, because I knew I wasn’t ready to keep this slow pace and boundaries. July 2020 we went back and my dream space opened!!!! What a time to expand, but I knew if I didn’t snag this space I’d regret it. November 2020 I elope magickally with my husband and we find out we’re expecting. I work as much as I can up until 34 weeks pregnant and then was told to stop due to signs of pre-term labor. Probably because I was still seeing 20-25 clients and teaching 7-10 yoga classes.
My girl was born July 2021 and I am on bed rest for 2 weeks. I couldn’t move or shift to nurse her those first two weeks without help and it took my entire three months off to be able to walk a one mile walk with ease. All the movement prep and body prep I’ve done my entire life and I had no choice but to STOP. I was not prepared for that. I worked all through the leave behind the scenes, I even was scheduling and at the office the day I went into labor. Charlene's birth and arrival is the only thing in my life that has stopped me in my tracks- literally. Her birth was 5 hours long from the first, “oh this might be different” to when she was placed in my arms. She came fast and furious and knocked this dancing momma on her knees. I thought I’d be moving through her birth and instead I was on hands and knees and my back on our living room floor. I was only a vessel for her arrival. My body arched and she pushed herself out. I had no time to even think, oh I am going to push now.
She just has a very real way of getting her needs met and also demanding it. My little Leo. Everything I did before she came was still in response to trauma, people pleasing, fear of upsetting anyone, not thinking my needs mattered, and simply finding worth in my successes and availability. I thought when I went back after 3 months off I’d be seeing 15 clients a week and teaching 3 classes, that was an honest cut back but very naive. At best- I’ve seen 10!!!! 10 from 35…. That was a very hard thing to accept. I get so invested in this work- I didn’t want to loose anyone, let them down, not show up. But, I had no choice. Whether it was Charlene demanding it, or my own body demanding it, I learned the art of acceptance. I mean not right away, I still struggled at home or with my thoughts and tried over and over every single variation of the schedule I could. When I was home I was thinking about being at work.
About 18 months in something shifted in me. I had a major healing crisis in my
Body. Long story short (If that's a thing with me) - my psoas shifted through an intense CST session. Two days after, during a snow storm my back seized up. Knocked me on my knees as I thought I can’t walk, omg I can’t walk. Charlene wanted to be held and I couldn't hold her, Josh was at work and thank god my 9 year old niece slept over that night because she helped with charlene. Three days of intense fascial unwinding by myself and castor oil it healed. Josh, my husband said: "if it doesn't heal in a week I was going to a Doctor, not everything can be healed through yoga". Well, obviously, I believe differently, I mean I have built a career on it ;) and not only did I have to heal and knew I would, I had to prove him, I was right. ;)
But what really happened through this whole thing was my ability to accept ME and accept where I’m at. I’m so super blessed to have an abundant business, it’s my souls manifesto and gets every part of me. But so is my daughter and my marriage, and honestly, myself. I finally accepted that I am enough, I am talented, I am graceful and confident, I am worthy, and I am safe. My business and I are the same- it doesn’t shut off when I’m home and turn on when I’m there. What I suggest to clients I do myself, I believe in my work, because its my life. It’s my sacral and heart chakra exposed to the world. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but because of that I have to honor it with boundaries and honesty. After Years of trauma, trauma response, people pleasing and fear. It stopped. I bloomed. I walk my walk and talk my talk and I’m only beginning.
My rebirth would have never happened without my girl, she’s pure power. My growth would have never happened without my husband, my bodyworker friends, my soul friends and my own mother her is working on powerful healing too. Breaking generational pain and trauma is hard, but oh so worth it. This all happened right before my 36th birthday too. The art of acceptance is beautiful. To every client I have met, to every person who has stepped foot in movement matters, to every doubter, hater, and abuser. Thank you, from the bottom of my healed heart. Thank you. This is the heART of acceptance and I wouldn’t be here without my experiences.
I appreciate you reading, until next time-
Love & gratitude,
What's all the fuss about this thing called fascia?
Many clients ask me what the heck this thing called fascia is. Even after a few sessions they are still asking me. I best describe it as a web. A web of interconnected tissues that runs from your head to your toes. The fascia provides protection for your tissues, organs, and muscles. But, when the body endures trauma the fascia becomes bound up creating pressure on the nerves, inflammation around the muscles, and takes fluid away from our joints, spine, and brain.
When we endure such trauma and it is not properly released the pressure on the nerves, creates heightened anxiety, severe depression, moodiness, ADHD, and so many more mood 'disorders' When the fascia is wrapped around our muscles like a web, we can not fully stretch, perform at our highest performance level, our energy levels suffer and so much more. Our fluid gets stuck in pockets that we call inflammation and is taken away from our joints, spine, and brain. This creates joint pain, arthritis, foggy brain, food allergies, sinuses, digestive issues and so much more. Because of the trauma stuck in our body, our tissues and fluid, we are living with dis-ease of the entire system. Simply put, our fascia is jacked up and we NEED movement.
I usually compare it to our plumbing. (my father is one of the best plumbers I know) When we have a clogged pipe, our toilet doesn't flush properly, well what do you think happens to our body. We our out of balance, that is what dis-ease is. By following your body, finding your patterns, and releasing trauma, we clear out your inner plumbing, leaving you living in balance and feeling your absolute best. ( I just realized my dad and I do the same thing!)
Sometimes it's one session, sometimes its 12, and most people use me for 'maintaining' proper balance, like a plumber does for your pipes, or a mechanic for your car, your body is JUST as important. So, your fascia is pretty important to maintain. The difference between what I do and mayofascial work, is the layer of fascia I work with. My work comes from within and I follow your body's natural strain pattern, opening pathways, and unclogging bound up fascia. Mayofascial work is a deeper and at times painful work. Both are effective, but CFT is the one and only thing that has cleared 7 car accidents, anxiety, and dance injuries fully out of my body. Clients are living peacefully in their bodies, and trauma is being released in very real ways. I will share about trauma another time but trauma can be anything from car accidents, birth trauma, emotional trauma, breaking your foot, surgery, and so much more. Our body comes out of balance with trauma. CFT with me, helps guide it back to balance and helps YOU trust and heal from within. I am looking forward to continuing work with you, meeting you if I haven't already, and continuing to heal myself and research the body for many many more years.
Love & Light,
Your breath is your first form of movement. I mean, your heart beats even when you're still, but if you held your breath long enough, your heart would stop moving. So, your breath is your first form of movement. Your breath creates space in your mind, in your body, in your spirit. Each time you take a breath you are allowing your brain to breathe, your body to relax, and keeping that ba-dum, ba-dum, heart beating. So, why is it the hardest thing for us to do?
As a child, adolesent, and teen, I lived in my local dance studio. I came alive on the dance floor. All the stressors in my life were gone, the only thing I could focus on was the movement. The movement I was creating with my body, and the movement I was creating with my breath. I would match each movement with my breath, and follow the music with my body, creating a flow from within. But the second the music stopped, the second I was done dancing, I was struck with anxiety, tightness,
thoughts...so.many.thoughts! As a young girl the only thing I could do was move. Friends called me the dancing girl. I was never still. I volunteered as a dance teacher, performed, began taking Yoga, (thanks to my mom) and so much more. This is the start of Movement Matters.
As a young dance teacher, I am saved, literally by the power of movement.Teaching dance and all things movement just fell into my lap, and thank goodness it did. The chaos and the hard hard lessons I was learning, at times was TOO MUCH. But, entering the dance studio, moving from within, it all stopped, and in that moment made sense. I was able to love myself for that moment, and inspire young girls to do the same. Even if it only lasted for a moment. I used to tell my dancers: "breathe, I don't care about how high your kicks are, I need to see the movement of your breath through your spine, your bones, your hands, show me something different". They didn't always get it, but its ok. Me teaching them, kept me present for the moment and helped me escape from the reality that was my personal life. ( abusive, controlling relationships, loss and trauma, were just a few things on the daily I was dealing with) Whether the girls understood or not, whether I was fully comprehending what I was saying, I was planting a seed, creating some movement somewhere, even if it was only on the dance floor, it would come full circle someday. Movement Matters is Growing.
Skip forward a few years, I'm teaching Yoga, and starting my Bodywork career. I have been healing from trauma, and truly moving emotional and physical pain out of my body. Im falling in love with Bodywork, because its working on me. I have talked friend's ears off, gone in circles, danced, cried, connected myself with different people, sometimes staying a bit too long, and built a movement career. But, one thing still rang true at 25, 27, 29. I needed things to move on a cellular level. I needed the stress, the pain, the crazy to move out of my body. That is what the CranioFascial training did for me. I came back a different person. I was calm, pain free, and clearer to think. I couldn't wait to get my hands on friends and family, and share what I learned. I start to work on clients and begin to notice, if you hold the space for them to trust their bodies, they will let go. It has nothing to do with what I am doing with my hands. It has everything to do with THEM. I meet someone, explain what I do, and guide them to the table. There, I breathe with them, until they fall into their bodies. Then the REAL work begins. Because they are trusting their bodies, and move all the pain, all the things that hold them back, doubt, worry, and panic out of their bodies. They are learning to have a relationship with their breath, and their bodies. They are beginning to understand that movement matters. The results, are less pain physically, clear mind, and the ability to just be, and live. Movement Matters is on the cusp of something really great.
April 5, 2017... I'M 30!! YES!!! Life can begin and all the bulls*(# from my 20s is gone. Happy Birthday to me. (hahhaha, how could I still be so naive) I had this vision as a very unhappy 22 year old, that once I hit 30 I would be beautiful, my life would make sense, I would be financially stable, ya know all the things that make us great to our outside world. 30 hit and life as I knew it, well it changed drastically. My boyfriend was deployed and we were about endure a LONG road ahead, I moved into my first home and all the things that came with that, I left jobs and lost friendships, and my health declined, big time. Lymes disease, knocked me on my a$$. I couldn't walk, I couldn't form sentences, and I was worked to pure exhaustion. I spent a year up and down with my health, living off of savings, and doing it all alone. This s&^% was teaching me some serious lessons. WTF is all I could think, I'm 30 this isn't supposed to be happening. Long story short, I put my health first, I set boundaries and moved away from things and people that no longer were for my highest good, and being forced to sit still and heal, forced me to breathe. There were days there was nothing else I could do. I was still and my mind was moving, but as I sat there and took a deep breath, my mind calmed and my body healed. (everything is coming full circle)
Fall 2018 Movement Matters is in full fruition and born. All the things I learned, all the things I am learning , and all the things I will continue to learn now has a space to be heard, to be felt, and shared. I am home. There have been so many people on my path that have helped, supported, brought me up, and put me down. I am grateful for every single one of them. Movement. it matters! Movement of the mind, movement of the body, spirit, and soul. Without movement life is unthinkable, and as Albert Einstein once said: "Nothing changes if nothing moves"
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All the love and light,